Unfortunately when you learn that some people cannot be trusted with fire it is usually too late. That was exactly the case this day. (My uncle is sweating right now thinking I'm writing about him. Relax uncle this is the hubby's story)
Doug had perhaps had a little too much adult beverage when this happened. I think we can just agree to blame the alcohol. But here we were just living life when he decided to light up the pit. Man the grill for dinner. So off he goes. For those of you who don't know, manning the grill is a fine art in these parts and has to be done in an exact manor or the BBQ is basically trash and your man card is forfeited forever. He had a fire going and the grill was heating. I was doing kitchen things getting ready to send food out to the grill. And then it happened. I saw the whole thing from the kitchen window.
Doug opens the grill. He stands there surveying the flames. Probably thinking to himself "My soon to be wife is watching so lets impress her." He snatches up the lighter fluid and begins hosing the fire down. Of course the flames get about 3 feet high. And I don't know if its karma, the devil, chance, I don't know but the wind blows. The flames roll over my shirtless fiancé. By some miracle he does not actually catch on fire. I don't know how that happened by I'm crediting the good Lord.
I run out of the house freaking out. By the time I got to him I can see he is okay. (Paramedic assessment skills coming in handy). When I say ok I mean not dead, not disfigured, breathing, standing, and totally surprised. However his hair was....... smoldering. Smoke rose out of his head like a real life cartoon. His arms were rosy pink and hairless. His mustache was matted and melted. He smiled at me. "Im okay" with a shrug.
"You burned your hair off 4 weeks before our wedding!!!!! You are still smoking!! You are an IDIOT!!" I was probably not as kind as I should have been but I was coming down off of a huge adrenaline fueled, panic driven fit. I was also slowly starting to appreciate the real damage. "You only have one eyebrow. How do you think that will look in our pictures?"
I sat the man down at the table and started cutting off his hair little by little to see how far down it was burned. The answer: All the way to the scalp. It was like it had melted into helmet hair. As I cut it became clear there would be nothing to save. He was bald. We shaved it with a Bic razor. My kitchen smelled like burned hair for 3 days. I just knew my wedding pictures would be perfect except the bald man with one eyebrow and 3/4 of a mustache. We did go on with the wedding even though I promised I would cancel it if the eyebrow didn't grow back.
It did grow back. Doug was not injured. I married him but on the stipulation he left fire alone. I now have grounds for annulment because I promise you the fire bug has not given up playing with it. This is the first but not last time he lost hair to fire.
Please add me to your prayer list. This is my real life y'all.
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